I have always been a very outgoing, but private person. I am the girl who laughs, jokes, and loves to have a good time no matter what whirlwind is swirling inside. However, I have noticed over the past couple of years that things are changing. Before I never really had to put on a show, I was footloose and fancy free and now I feel like I have to put on a front.
I am unsure why, but it seems that it is harder and harder for me to let things go and put on the “my life is grand face”. It has never seemed to be a problem before and I am unsure why things have changed. I have lost the spontaneous, footloose and fancy free girl I used to be. What about my life has made me this way? And is this a bad thing? Or is it that I am just to tired to try and fool anyone?
For the record, I really don’t have too much to complain about. I have all that I need and more. I have been blessed in more ways than I could ever imagine, so why do I feel this way? Could it be stress, I don’t think so. I really don’t stress out too much about school or work. I tend to take the “if it gets done it gets done” and “what are they going to do… fire me?” attitude, so it can’t be that. My husband and I were married 3 years ago and I felt this all coming on before that, so I don’t think it is marriage. My son was born 2 years ago and I enjoy every minute with him, so it can’t be that either.
I guess with age, even though I am only 23, comes more and more responsibility requiring more and more time and effort, but even still. Why is it that my personality has done a 180* turn? I do not have any type of psychological disorder, so why do I feel this way?
Maybe I have become jaded. Maybe I am tired. Maybe I need to shake things up a bit. Maybe I need to dig deeper into this. Maybe I need to take a vacation. Maybe I need therapy. Maybe I need pharmaceuticals. Maybe I need…
Oh, would you look at what time it is. It is 4:53 and it is time for me to leave work on a beautiful Friday afternoon! Suddenly I feel the need to clock out and be spontaneous. I hear the backyard, the grill, and a bottle of wine calling my name! Have a great weekend!
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I'm your age and feel the exact same way. It's like we're at the cross-roads of being younger and care free and actually growing up. It's a little scary and a lot stressful. I think it'll get better.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, your little boy is such a cutie. He's got the prettiest blue eyes. That outta make things better. Also, a bottle of wine never hurt either.
I hope you enjoyed your Spring Break.
Erin Dorsey
Eng226
I hope that cook-out and wine made you feel better yesterday!
ReplyDelete-Maureen O.
Eng. 226
We respond to stress in many and varied ways...I tend to get jaded when I have stress I don't recognize--and sometimes, you just feel jaded for not reason--probably hormones!
ReplyDeleteBuild a bonfire. That works for me!
K. Smith
Eng. 226